A YEAR AGO TODAY was a Friday. It was the day after the MRI. I had an appointment with the Voo Doo doctor at 12:15. I was really looking forward to it because I always felt so good after seeing her.
She asked how I was doing. I told her about the cancer. She was compassionate and explained that sometimes serious illness such as cancer is a way of getting our attention and motivates us to clean up old energy that we are holding on to. It helps us move forward.
The doctor wanted to know if I had been crying much since I got the news. Other than the first afternoon, I hadn’t cried at all. However, I had woken up in the middle of the night the last 2 nights with my face and pillow very wet from apparently crying in my sleep. She was so excited, “You have been facing your own mortality. Once you have done that, you can do anything. You are so lucky. This is a good thing.” I wasn’t seeing it yet, but according to the doctor, the cancer diagnosis had already provided a benefit.
Next I told her that I was having some frustration with my mom. She was having a very hard time accepting my step-dad’s dementia. Against the recommendation of his doctor, the nurse specialist, and the social worker, my mom was planning a trip for them to Canada. Her assumption was that I would go with them. I had finally told her the week before that I would not be going. This was big for me because I almost never say no to my mom. She was not happy with me. Then, just 2 days ago I had given her the news about my cancer. I told her I would be focusing on myself for a month or so and she would need to find someone else to do her yard work and help with doctor’s appointments. Inside, I am sure she was devastated, but outwardly she was disappointed in me for letting her down. This was not the reaction I had expected, or needed.
One of the things the Voo Doo doctor does is help me with my emotional health. Specifically, she helps me deal with things like the situation with my mom. She uses various techniques to loosen and release unhealthy energy that is trapped or stored in the body. It is believed by many, including my doctor, that this energy negatively affects physical and/or emotional health. When she finds an area of trapped energy, such as sadness, disappointment, fear, or responsibility, she works to help me release it. It could be in places such as my back, abdomen, shoulder, neck, etc. Usually she uses the palm of her hand to gently massage the area while she helps me to mentally visualize the change that is needed. Other times she uses a small massager/vibrator on the area to help break up and dislodge the energy.
After checking my spine (remember, she is a chiropractor), she had me lay down on my stomach. Quickly she located 2 nests of responsibility I had right about where my kidneys are. Those responsibilities had been necessary at the time I took them on, especially when I was young, but they were no longer needed. We got to work destroying the nests by pulling apart the twigs and throwing them away. As the nests disappeared we filled the area with unconditional love for those who might erroneously try to apply inappropriate responsibilities. We gave me courage to say no to requests/demands that were not of the highest good for everyone involved, including me. It didn’t mean I was no longer a responsible person. It meant that I would only take on responsibility for the things that were truly mine. I was letting go of obligation and replacing it with unconditional love. Easier said than done, but I was determined to work on it.
After the nests were cleaned up, we worked on forgiveness. I forgave those who had put unhealthy demands on me in the past and might try to do so in the future. I forgave myself for saying yes on those occasions when a no would have been the healthier choice. It was still hard for me to accept the idea that I could say no everyone I needed to. I would work on it.
As I got up from the table to sit in the chair, I noticed a tapestry of an angel hanging over the chair. I had not noticed it on any of my previous visits. It looked like the angel was blessing whoever was sitting in the chair. Then I got goose bumps all over my body. The name of the artist embroidered into the tapestry was the same as my breast surgeon. It was her first initial followed by her last name and it wasn’t Smith. I had been wondering if I should get a second opinion about my breast cancer even though I felt very comfortable with my surgeon. As silly as it might seem, I felt that this was my assurance that I did not need a second opinion. I had the angel’s blessing on my current surgeon.
I shared my chills and thoughts with the Voo Doo doctor. She said that if I was looking for confirmation, that was a pretty good one. I checked the crucifix in my pocket. It was just as warm and calming as ever. I was ready to forge ahead. Everything was going to be OK.
Editor’s Note: I am still working out some glitches. But I wanted to republish this today. I just got her email today, went to the site, and found this post. The author started her blog in November. I always like to discover a blog close to its inception.
If your blog is not listed here, please contact me. Take Care, Dennis