This entry comes from New Zealand.
The other day while driving back from pink palates, with jelly legs, i keep on thinking about dieing, something which will, yes will happen to all of us, and well nobody knows when this is going to happen to them. But me being me is just hoping for 10 years, and then something started to sink in if the militia come back and overtakes my body again, I don’t just get to die. I have to suffer, badly, and no I don’t think I’m so special that I have already paid my dues, but the realisation of this really shook me…… I don’t know how the saying goes, is it ‘pray for the best, expect the worst’? The so called best doesn’t even factor in to most of my daily questions, cynical much? And then on the other hand me and Mike are very lucky, luckier than most I guess. Nice house, cute puppies, love each other to death (no pun intend). We get up to the craziest shit, and I like it that way but then that little leprechaun in my head goes ‘ten years Liz, ten years’, which then makes me want to push the boundaries even more, and no that doesn’t mean I’m going to rob a bank and do crack. But I guess it just pushes me…. Also the guilt that I may have ruined Mikes happily ever after is crippling some times. So I try my best to make him smile……………xxxxx pretty.
But on to greener pastures with me pushing myself to do stuff…………. So it must have been Wed, I got up late, as I do, went on the old facebook and saw that Miss Connie was off to see the Dalai Lama that day, so I looked up we he was going to be “right CBS area, round the corner ………….hum time, time, time, what’s the time ……………12 pm shit” at this point it was 12.08! Fuck it. I run up stairs into the shower and then out the door and by 12.23 I was parked on a traffic island running in. Then bam, wow there is like five thousand people here and I made it before he got onto the stage, and well I have seen monks before, but this guy is the be all and end all, he’s like the pope of his people so to speak…. and well aren’t we all looking for some kind of guidance. Some kind of answer. Some kind of saving. Even now I don’t know about everyone else but I couldn’t hear him very well or it could have been that he, like me went a little off track some times, but I came away with this “don’t be scared/angry what good is it going to do?” and “we are all one, we may believe different things but we are essentially the same person” and in a joking way he must be pimping coz his entourage ran like 15 monks deep, so as I was leaving some guy behind me read my tattoo on my back, not a big deal I hear you thinking, well it’s in Latin, and he read it back to me in English! No shit, he is the first person ever to do that. And well it made me relieved to know it said what it was meant to say, thank God, or well thank Buda. You see what I did, I made it situation appropriate……… any ways I get to my car, yes it was still there, I kept on thinking it was going to get towed and its crazy everybody is trying to leave at the same time but then……….. there comes a police car, then in the car behind it was the big man himself, so we start waving like crazy people and for a split second he saw us, maybe even me and did those prayer hands at us, it was just nuts, for that very short amount of time we were like 3 feet away from the be all and end all of his kind, how many people can say they were like 3 feet away from the pope?
So no real dramas in the cancer department this time, I just have a few doc’s appointments this month, nothing new, and that it’s my birthday next Sunday…………………….. 28 my god, never thought I would make it, but cross fingers I hopefully will, the theme? Alice of course, with pass the parcel and pin the grin on the Cheshire Cat …..
Oh and my final thoughts, I lost yet another HDD, so I’m quite behind with my rants, at some point there will be my thank you letter to the cold cap peeps, and there will also be a little guide on…. what to do when you’re having…………. chemo/radiation/your boob chopped off etc