Five Months – guest post

Joannah writes of her husband’s battle with kidney cancer and of his passing last March. She writes at Beauty for Ashes

Five Months

Today it’s been five months since Michael went home. I can hardly believe it’s been that long already. Time flies even when you’re not having fun.

Grief is not about time standing still.

Michael is continually in my thoughts as he has been for so many years.

Grief is not about forgetting.

Sometimes I’m still incredulous that this is my reality. How can this be? It doesn’t seem possible.

Grief is not easy to wrap your head around.

I wake up each morning with a bit of anxiety or disappointment that I’m still here, that I’m going to have to live through another day without Michael. It doesn’t last long. I try and take those anxious and disappointed feelings to the Lord in prayer right away.

Grief is not just present in the darkness.

I long to go home myself. Please don’t be distressed about that confession. It is very normal for grieving people to feel that way. I know the number of my days has been determined by the Lord, and I respect that. But I do look forward to the glory of Heaven, being in the presence of the Almighty God, a happy reunion with Michael, and to finally be set free from the troubles of this life. This isn’t all there is, and losing Michael and drawing closer to God have given me a different perspective than I had before.

Grief can help you see what’s eternal.

In the meantime, I do have things I want to experience. Of course, I’d love to get pregnant as a result of this next IVF. There’s nothing more I’d like to do than spend the rest of my life watching Michael’s children grow. I think that would bring a lot of joy back into my life.

Grief can’t keep you from enjoying your future unless you give it the power to do so.


About Dennis Pyritz

Dennis W. Pyritz, RN, BA, BSN, has been a cancer nurse since 1987 and a cancer and bone marrow transplant survivor since 2004. In December 2001 he was diagnosed with t-cell prolymphocytic leukemia (T-PLL), a rare aggressive form of chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). Dennis was treated with the then new monoclonal antibody, alemtuzumab (Campath) as this disease has a median survival of 7.5 months. He achieved a 26 month remission but relapsed in February 2004. He was retreated with Campath and went into a second remission. In August 2004 he underwent an allogeneic peripheral blood stem cell transplant with his brother, Mark, as donor. Dennis has remained in remission since - a near miracle. Throughout his career as cancer nurse and patient, Dennis has had the opportunity to speal to both lay and professional groups. Dennis has spoken on cancer topics and survival issues across the country as well as in the United Kingdom, Norway, Austria, Portugal, Honduras, Panama, Guatemala, Trinidad, United Arab Emirates, Jordan, Cyrpus, Israel, and India.

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