Sorry for this late posting. I had the girls early this morning then I needed to take my mother to the doctor’s office. Once more I am helped out in our Book Club discussion by Christine Lynds, writing in her own blog The Edge of Light.
Christine: I used to think that if the cancer came back that I wouldn’t be able to cope, that I would curl up in the fetal position and cease to function, that I would get stuck in what I call ‘the dark side’. And I did just that for awhile. But that gets boring and miserable after awhile, so eventually I just put one foot in front of another and continued to move forward.
Dennis: For me relapse was like the other shoe finally dropping. I had been told by a t-cell researcher to expect relapse despite Campath treatment. After being cancer-free for 26 months, the news came almost as a relief from the anxiety. We followed remission with consolidation by transplant. I am 5 years out from that. It’s the next relapse, if it comes, that I really fear.
Christine:Sometimes I wonder why I haven’t become a basket case during this journey. (Well… I have had my days…). But for the most part I think I am dealing with it better than I have with some earlier non-life threatening crises in my life. Is age and maturity a factor? Am I in denial? I’m not sure why I am coping as well as I am and sometimes feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for the crash.
Dennis: In a way I was a better person during the first year of my illness. I was more open, more accepting, more outgoing with people. Partly from the isolation of being disabled, I have withdrawn and fallen back into old habits. Not actively practicing nursing I am less inclined and have less opportunity to interact. This blog has been a blessing in the sense that I have to reach out.
Christine: I don’t think my family members write journals and I’m not sure how much they have talked to others about it. I did arrange for my mother to meet with a social worker that I know at the cancer clinic and I think that was very helpful. My son tells me he doesn’t read my blog often because he finds it better to deal with it in chunks, rather than on a daily basis. Living in Europe (I’m in Ottawa and he’s in the Netherlands) has made it especially difficult for him.