I didn’t realize how affected I was going to be by my recent mammogram. It was my 3-month check-up for my left-side (where the cancer car-wrecked my life) and my annual for my right side.

I was doing fine, I went into my “let’s get this over with” mode and did not think about it. The mammogram was done, and then I had to wait for the tech to come back from talking with the radiologist about my mammogram. She was gone only 15 minutes, but it seemed like forever and my mind started to race, my heart started to beat really hard… Then she came back and said “congratulations, you’re good to go!” I smiled, we made small talk, I dressed and left.

Out in the hall, I leaned up against the wall and called my daughter. I was so shaky and wanted to cry. I told her that I was so relieved and that I just came from my 3-month follow-up and I didn’t realize how it was going to affect me until just now, and I needed to talk to her for I was so shaky.

My daughter was so wonderful, she said she loved me and she was glad I called her and that I got my mammogram. She helped me stop shaking from the “what ifs.”

Whew. Mammograms sure make my heart ache… what a process this dance with cancer is.

I then met with my surgeon this afternoon; at our hospital the surgeons follow-up with cancer patients once they are done with chemotherapy, I don’t mind because my surgeon is a rock star. I shared with her how I tweaked out this morning after my mammogram, and about my friend’s recurrence that metastasized. She just sat there and listened to me.

She said my feelings were perfectly natural after all I’ve been through, and she said the next time if I needed a relaxer or something before the mammogram, just let her know so that we can make it easier on me; she was happy that I still went ahead and did the mammogram, then she gave me a hug. See a rock star I tell ya!

Jiminy, what a day it was, and I guess I’m not completely over the “what-ifs.”